Wednesday, April 24, 2013

HARDCORE PAWN Five: This One's for the Ladies – Old and Naked, Young and Feisty

"In the heart of Detroit's 8 Mile lies the city's biggest and baddest pawn shop...."

I am Michiganian by birth, Detroiter by heart. I spent more than 30 years in the Automotive Capital of Earth, became a man and a professional there, so shows that are set in Detroit or attempt to capture a slice of life in the Motor City are especially dear to me.

Hardcore Pawn is an amazingly successful, largely unsung Detroit TV wonder. Shot inside the now-iconic American Jewelry and Loan on Eight Mile Road, Hardcore Pawn is truTV's most consistently successful series: its season seven premiere last March 26 drew the cable channel's largest audience ever in the coveted demo of adults 18-49. It's basic cable's No. 1 unscripted program in its 9 p.m. (EST) Tuesday time slot, spawned a spinoff series in Hardcore Pawn: Chicago and, if it weren't for the unbelievably whacked-out string of belligerent, ignorant, foulmouthed customers it spotlights, would be a continuing source of pride for Detroiters.

Moreover, I have grown to know series stars Les and Seth Gold and Ashley Gold Broad personally. I've written several stories on the family-owned business, including this feature for HOUR Detroit magazine. I've even patronized the place: the wristwatch I wear every day was purchased at American Jewelry and Loan. So for its lucky seventh season, I've selected Hardcore Pawn as a series to review here on a weekly basis. Here's a recap of Episode Five, aired on April 23:

In this milestone, rollercoaster 100th-episode season, it feels like Hardcore Pawn keeps trying to step outside the boundaries of what it does best – 100 shows is a whole lot of wheeler-dealing, family infighting and customer brawling, after all – then realizes the error of its ways and snaps back to form the following week. The last installment, the 100th show, was one of its weakest efforts of the year; this week's edition was one of the best.

Fast-paced and fascinating, this half-hour featured two elements I can't remember ever seeing before, much less in the same episode (Hardcore Pawn fanatics, correct me if I'm wrong): two women engaged in a vicious in-store fight that had nothing to do with the Golds or American Jewelry and Loan personnel (they just happened to use the shop as their arena of combat); and an in-your-face confrontation between two of the customer service employees behind the notorious glass.

This was unquestionably a female-dominated episode, yet ironically Ashley played a very small role in it. After beginning with the slam-bang of a customer ejection right off the top – a tall F-bomb dropping gent who demanded to "holla at" Seth for disputing the number of karats in his gold necklace, only to receive the necktie collar from security guard Byron – the theme of the evening began to reveal itself.

Nikki, one of the service reps, is having a bad day at her station, which she describes as a "high-traffic window for pissed customers." She asks Seth if she can switch places with Christina at the relatively hassle-free window No. 1, and he immediately agrees. As you could predict, Christina is not overjoyed by Seth's decision, and calls Nikki a "crybaby" for running to the boss. More on this in a minute.

Credit: Mark Hill/Turner
A customer named Craig approaches Ashley with an "auto stereoscope," a device built in 1905 that contains a Victorian-era peep show within a wooden cabinet. Recognizing that the piece is an antique, she quickly calls Les over to consult. (What is she saying, exactly?)

"Naked girls, all over the place," Les remarks, peering through the viewfinder – albeit faded, sepia-toned images of early 1900s naked women. Ultimately, price becomes the stumbling block.

The other cool item displayed in this episode was a clear Lucite bowling ball with a small red boxing glove encased inside, a Sugar Ray Leonard deluxe ball autographed by the boxer himself. The seller picked the right target in Seth, who never saw a bit of sports memorabilia he didn't like. The uniqueness of the piece made for a spirited, intense negotiation.

After the Main Event – two female friends who come to blows after one realizes the other pawned her computer without permission – Christina and Nikki nearly start duking it out themselves before Les intervenes and returns them to their original posts.

Ultimately, as is so often the case, what we have here is a failure to communicate: Les tells Seth he should have been consulted first before switching the two workers because there's a method to it all, but Seth fails to grasp the significance. "When will this end?" Seth cries.

Well, never, we hope. Otherwise, Hardcore Pawn wouldn't be the same!

Random note: After erecting a giant billboard in Episode Three encouraging customers to make Ashley quit and receive a discount on their purchase, Seth may have created his standard insult for the rest of the season. For the second week in a row, he has passed by Ashley and cracked, "What's the problem? No one's got you to quit yet?" Before that line gets too old, we should expect some Ashley retaliation.

POSTSCRIPT: You may recall I deemed the funniest segment of last week's Episode Four the gentleman who came in attempting to sell his "I-Grow Laser Hair Growth System" to Les, who persuaded Bobby to check out the glowing silver helmet by sticking it on his head. The punchline: the seller was bald himself!

Well, through the magic that is social media, I've heard from the fellow. His name is John Pullum, he's a motivational speaker, and he reports that he sold the magic hair-growing dome a few days after the taping for $650! Les, you may have scalped yourself on that deal!

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There was a momentary twitch where I thought the gold-chain goon tossed out at the beginning of this episode might crack our list of the season's Top 5 outrageous customer ejections. But ultimately I realized his two-point landing outside the store didn't measure up to those who have been given the boot before him. So for the third week in a row, five best American Jewelry and Loan store heave-hos in 2013 remain unchanged. They are:

5. Josh, the Dallas doofus from Episode Three who demanded $500 for his worthless watch.

4. Patrick, the demented drum dealer from Up North, also in Episode Three, who declared, "Everybody knows Ashley from American Jewelry and Loan is a bitch!" Security chief Byron showed Patrick the door so quickly, Ashley had to chase him down in the parking lot to return his "antique" African drum.

3. The sentimental fool from Episode One who tried to pawn one of his late grandmother's rings in the same breath he mourns her recent death. His verbal and physical assault on Ashley sparked Les's rage, because NOBODY insults his daughter in his store. It also brought Ashley to tears.

2. "DogMan," the tall computer genius with anger management issues in Episode Two who orders Les to retrieve the hard drive from his pawned PC and calls everybody "Dog." "Who let the dog out?" asked Les, who unleashed his first "MF" of the season. "Byron let the dog out!"

And, still reigning at No. 1:

The boy genius from Episode One who came in looking to buy a portable generator and asked, "It doesn't run on electricity, does it?" When he demanded to bring the generator to his home to test it out and is denied, he got the Byron Bounce and ended up humping one of the tall front-door pylons on his way to the parking lot!

Come on, HP producers – give these goofballs some competition! 

Monday, April 22, 2013

The Sundance Channel Moves Smartly to 'RECTIFY' Itself

Rectify is a constant process of discovery.
Aden Young Amazes as Ex-Con Daniel Holden.

First you'll discover that this enthralling new semi-series, which bows at 9 p.m. EST Monday, April 22 with two back-to-back episodes, is on the Sundance Channel. You probably have Sundance on your cable system. You probably didn't know it. Or, you just figured the channel was way too elitist-snooty for you. But given that this is the first Sundance-owned original scripted series in its history (and it's really, really good), it's worth some determined channel surfing to find.

Shortly thereafter you'll realize that the six-episode show's premise – prisoner released from Death Row after almost two decades on the basis of new DNA evidence, facing re-entry into a strange and unfamiliar new world – only sounds like the storyline you've seen oh, maybe a kajillion times before. (Wasn't DNA part of the plot in The Shawshank Redemption? Les Misérables? White Heat?) The genius of Rectify is how it takes one of the most well-worn themes in all the dramatic repertoire and makes it feel multilayered, textured – well, remarkably fresh and new.

Part of that is due to the creative team behind Rectify: creator-writer Ray McKinnon, the Southern-fried actor (Sons of Anarchy, Deadwood) and standout independent filmmaker, whose Georgia upbringing allows him to fully translate the rhythms and psyche of his small-town characters; and executive producers Melissa Bernstein and Mark Johnson, the team behind Breaking Bad, looking for another visionary challenge in light of Walter White's impending departure.

The other part of Rectify's aura of originality is due to perhaps its most impressive discovery of all – Aden Young, who will deconstruct any notions you may hold about what a leading man should be. A Toronto-born Australian actor (exactly how does that happen?), Young may be remembered from the movie Killer Elite or the TV miniseries The Starter Wife, but this is unquestionably his breakthrough performance. He is Daniel Holden, the unremarkable Georgia boy convicted of brutally raping and killing his teenage girlfriend, thrust after 19 years back into a world he doesn't understand and never expected to live in again.

One might expect the character in such a script to either race through the streets of his hometown with blood in his eyes, vowing to wreak vengeance on everyone who done him wrong, or grab some drugs and a hooker and disappear into a cheap hotel. Daniel Holden does neither. His every movement and thought is so measured, so controlled, so internal. He has become, as Morgan Freeman's character "Red" Redding explains in Shawshank, "an institutional man," and everything in his bright, loud new world is as confusing as it is frightening. It's a role that easily could be overplayed by a miscast actor, but Young's totally restrained performance lands note-perfect at every turn.
Some celebration: Daniel and his sister-in-law, Tawney.

Daniel doesn't return to his tiny Georgia town to gloat, or even with the determination to begin his life anew. He simply has no place else to go. And the townsfolk, in particular his family, are equally befuddled: they never thought he'd survive Death Row, much less walk among them again. His mother, Janet (J. Smith Cameron), is thrilled, but conflicted; other family members stew over what he might take away from their lives, but his younger sister Amantha (Abigail Spencer, Oz the Great and Powerful, who's outstanding here), believes in Daniel and his innocence wholeheartedly and becomes his translator for modern society.

As Amantha drives him around town to see the sights (both of them), she can't help herself from saying things that seem inappropriate to a man recently released from prison. "That's gallows humor, huh?" she asks. "We call it 'lethal injection' humor," Daniel responds. "It's more humane...but not as funny."

What's really not funny is the angry throng of powerful men, led by Sen. Roland Foulkes (Michael O'Neill), formerly the prosecutor who put Daniel away, who are obsessed with throwing him behind bars again. And for the touch of class any potentially successful series needs, Hal Holbrook provides the opposition to the anti-Daniel forces as his original defense attorney, Rutherford Gaines.

Rarely does such a simple story encompass so many intriguing subplots. Will Daniel's own family turn against him? Will Foulkes and his law-enforcement cronies find a way to reverse the technicality that set him free? Can he return to the family business? Will some good ol' boy try to kill him? And, not coincidentally, did he do the crime?

Daniel Holden has a lot of dangerous waters to navigate, and I think I'm going to enjoy taking the journey with him. On our Big Glowing Box scale of 1-10 remotes, I'm giving Rectify a 9. Seeing an old tale told an interestingly new way in the copycat world of television is praiseworthy all by itself. But in this era when it seems every drama wants you to embrace the antihero, Aden Young is worth discovering as well.



Saturday, April 20, 2013

SOUTHLAND: If It's Gone, It Won't Soon Be Forgotten

It costs a heap of money to produce, with its sprawling cast and multiple locations each week. Its ratings have been consistent, as in consistently weak and disappointing. At least three series regulars – Regina King, Ben McKenzie and Shawn Hatosy – already have attached their names to new network pilots.

The handwriting isn't exactly spray-painted on a West Hollywood wall for Southland, TV's finest cop drama of its era, but the message is clear. This Wednesday at 10 p.m. EST, TNT is airing an NBA playoff game between the Lakers and Spurs. Whether Southland ever returns to claim that time slot for its sixth season is entirely up to the Turner division's braintrust. And for fans of the series – a small but hardy group – the catchphrase "We Know Drama" will take on special meaning until TNT makes its decision.

Frankly, it doesn't look good. TNT canceled Leverage last Christmas after five seasons, and its ratings were relatively spectacular. On the other hand, as Southland diehards know well, the show has survived certain death before: When NBC, its original network, canceled the series after two seasons, TNT deemed its overall quality worthy enough to rescue it from the primetime scrap heap.
Michael Cudlitz, Gerald McRaney. (Turner/Doug Hyun)

If this does prove to be end of watch for Southland, however, it has gone out with more bang than a drive-by shooting. The climactic scene three weeks ago between LAPD patrolman John Cooper (the phenomenal Michael Cudlitz) and his alcoholic, potentially suicidal mentor (played by Gerald McRaney) was so emotionally raw and visceral that I replayed it on my DVR at least three times. Honestly, I never knew McRaney was that fine an actor. Riveting work.

That scene, however, was nothing compared to the second-to-last episode, "Chaos," in which Cooper and his partner Lucero (Anthony Ruivivar) are ambushed by a pair of bloodthirsty meth tweakers, held hostage and stripped of their uniforms, weapons and dignity, bound in their underwear as their captors torment them. If you saw it, you're probably still thinking about it. Many viewers proclaimed "Chaos" the most wrenching and unforgettable hour of television they've seen in years. I'd be hard-pressed to disagree.

Cudlitz has been a revelation. As John Cooper, he's a bully, a hero, a street philosopher, a scoundrel – and oh, BTW, he's gay and languishing in the closet. His performances have been constantly challenging and utterly fascinating. How can this guy not win an Emmy? How much you want to bet that Cudlitz doesn't even get nominated?
Lucero and Cooper, in a Real Bind. (Turner/Doug Hyun)
But Cudlitz wasn't Southland's lone ranger. McKenzie's decorated Officer Ben Sherman, who ended the season's 10th and final episode, "Reckoning," in a vicious fistfight with his partner (Hatosy), continuously walked a tenuous tightrope between good and evil. And King's richly-layered Det. Lydia Adams ended this arc balancing motherhood and a mismatched partner while investigating the kidnappings of Cooper and Lucero.

Following in the heritage of great police dramas like Hill Street Blues, Homicide: Life on the Street, The Shield and The Wire, Southland reminded us graphically, sometimes brutally, that cops' lives are jacked up, too – maybe far more than ours because of what their jobs force them to endure every single day. As Cooper is told in the final scene of "Reckoning," "Just because you're a cop doesn't make you any less of an a--hole."

It's probably no spoiler by now to say "Reckoning" ends with Cooper on his back in an alley, bleeding from multiple gunshot wounds fired by fellow LAPD officers when he refused to lay down his gun, fighting for his life – or was he? Could this have been "suicide by cop?"

It made for a perfect ending. If Southland returns for a sixth season, we'll see Cooper recuperating in bed, painfully reassessing his life. (Personally, I cannot imagine the series continuing without him.) If it doesn't, this tortured soul went out in a hail of glory and put a shocking 10-7 on a breakneck five-year ride.

It's been an amazing season. Shaq was a guest star. And if it winds up being the last, lovers of great drama still should rise and give thanks to TNT for giving us more Southland than we had any logical reason to expect. 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

HARDCORE PAWN Four: Happy 100th, Les! (Episodes, That Is!)

"In the heart of Detroit's 8 Mile lies the city's biggest and baddest pawn shop...."

I am Michiganian by birth, Detroiter by heart. I spent more than 30 years in the Automotive Capital of Earth, became a man and a professional there, so shows that are set in Detroit or attempt to capture a slice of life in the Motor City are especially dear to me.

Hardcore Pawn is an amazingly successful, largely unsung Detroit TV gem. Shot inside the now-iconic American Jewelry and Loan on Eight Mile Road, Hardcore Pawn is truTV's most consistently successful series: its season seven premiere last March 26 drew the cable channel's largest audience ever in the coveted demo of adults 18-49. It's basic cable's No. 1 unscripted program in its 9 p.m. (EST) Tuesday time slot, spawned a spinoff series in Hardcore Pawn: Chicago and, if it weren't for the unbelievably whacked-out string of belligerent, ignorant, foulmouthed customers it spotlights, would be a continuing source of pride for Detroiters.

Moreover, I have grown to know series stars Les and Seth Gold and Ashley Gold Broad personally. I've written several stories on the family-owned business, including this feature for HOUR Detroit magazine. I've even patronized the place: the wristwatch I wear every day was purchased at American Jewelry and Loan. So for its lucky seventh season, I selected Hardcore Pawn as a series to review here on a weekly basis. Here's a recap of Episode Four, the show's landmark 100th episode, aired April 16:

When I made reference to a glowingly positive feature on Hardcore Pawn last week in Variety magazine in connection with the series' milestone 100th episode, I was fascinated – but by no means surprised – by the tone of the messages I received in return.

The responses from folks who live in Detroit or have Motor City ties were stingingly consistent. They said, in effect, "I hate that flipping show, because it always portrays our city in such a negative manner."

I'd be the first one to agree that Hardcore Pawn may not be the Convention & Visitors Bureau's first choice for a promo reel extolling the wonders of Detroit. But I've enjoyed the series from its one-shot, do-or-die pilot telecast in 2009 to its official debut in August 2010 right up through Tuesday's historic episode, and you'd hard-pressed to find a bigger Detroit zealot than I am.

While I don't want to come off sounding like an HP apologist  – especially because the show certainly doesn't need one – I invite all naysayers to keep a few facts in mind:

• More than 3 million people, a pretty massive number for basic cable, routinely tune in to watch Hardcore Pawn every Tuesday at 9 p.m. EST, so there are viewers who find the program worthwhile.

• Television is one of America's purest forms of democracy. If Americans had cast their vote against the show simply by not watching it (you know, like they do with NBC series), it wouldn't have survived the first season.

• Many viewers have told me they enjoy Hardcore Pawn primarily not because of its stream of profanity, customer hijinks or bum's-rush store ejections, but because it presents a real family trying to operate a real business under challenging circumstances. It shows a father and his two offspring who clearly love each other despite all the bickering and disagreements. People relate to the Golds: They may have a dad like Les, or recognize relatives or friends in Ashley and Seth.

• It's a pawn shop: one would reasonably expect some, if not most, of its clientele to be a bit on the crude and irritable side. I mean, in theory nobody really wants to be there, right? Whenever they decide to do a reality show at the Detroit Athletic Club, expect the ambiance to be decidedly different. I think.

• Whether we like to admit it or not, Hardcore Pawn is a slice of Detroit in all its crass and untamed glory. Remembering a time my neighbor on the East Side bolted out of his front door, raced over to stand nose to nose, and threatened to punch or cut me because I had taken his on-street parking space, I'm not certain the show's confrontations are always trumped-up. HP might not be the Detroit reality from Bloomfield Hills or Rochester, but it's the reality in some parts of the region.

• And, believe it or not, Hardcore Pawn is an asset to the visitor's bureau. The show's establishing shots frequently show views of a glistening riverfront or attractive city landscapes. And I personally have met people who traveled to Detroit from as far away as Florida and Washington state just to see American Jewelry and Loan for themselves and maybe try to sell an item. It's become a tourist attraction! It's good for the local economy!

All that being said, the 100th episode – arriving after the hype of promo commercials that promised "100 times more (fill in the blank)," was a disappointment. The theme centered around an employee who devised his own side hustle to sell customers front-of-the-line privileges for a $3 tip at the door – causing havoc inside the store – and Ashley employing her detective skills to identify the culprit after Les and Seth walked away from the problem. But the concept seemed disjointed and slowly paced; the line-cutting didn't seem to spark the kind of wild-eyed outrage one might expect knowing American's typical customer base.

The family conflict, on the heels of the store's head of security being fired for theft and the resulting, who-can-we-trust employee searches that triggered a mass walkout in earlier episodes, was whether to fire Anton, the enterprising worker who dreamed up the tip-jar scam. In the end, compassion came from a most unexpected source.

The highlight of the half-hour was the appearance of an immaculately restored, 1947 replica of a green Vernor's ginger ale delivery truck that Les should have bought at any price (Vernor's is a symbol of Detroit, and the truck was sweet). But the laugh-out-loud moment occurred when a customer tried to sell his "I-Grow Laser Hair Growth System" – essentially, a heat lamp inside a goofy-looking silver helmet with suction cups and headphones – and Bobby, American Jewelry and Loan's follically-challenged employee, volunteered to try it on.

The device caused the top of Bobby's round dome to glow neon red.

"You look like a Christmas tree," Les observed.

"I look like a (bleep)," Bobby replied.

The kicker: the seller himself was bald. "Well, I didn't use the thing," he maintained. "I'm very happy being bald."

Now the impressive milestone has passed, the 100th episode is over and out. (Which means, by the way, that we may see Hardcore Pawn in reruns for the rest of our natural lives.) Mazel tov. Let's hope for a rebound on Episode 101.

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With no outrageous customer ejections in this episode (another glaring absence), the Top 5 American Jewelry and Loan store tossouts from last week remain unchanged. They are:

5. Josh, the Dallas doofus from Episode Three who demanded $500 for his worthless watch.

4. Patrick, the demented drum dealer from Up North, also in Episode Three, who declared, "Everybody knows Ashley from American Jewelry and Loan is a bitch!" Security chief Byron showed Patrick the door so quickly, Ashley had to chase him down in the parking lot to return his "antique" African drum.

3. The sentimental fool from Episode One who tried to pawn one of his late grandmother's rings in the same breath he mourns her recent death. His verbal and physical assault on Ashley sparked Les's rage, because NOBODY insults his daughter in his store. It also brought Ashley to tears.

2. "DogMan," the tall computer genius with anger management issues in Episode Two who orders Les to retrieve the hard drive from his pawned PC and calls everybody "Dog." "Who let the dog out?" asked Les, who unleashed his first "MF" of the season. "Byron let the dog out!"

And, still reigning at No. 1:

The boy genius from Episode One who came in looking to buy a portable generator and asked, "It doesn't run on electricity, does it?" When he demanded to bring the generator to his home to test it out and is denied, he got the Byron Bounce and ended up humping one of the tall front-door pylons on his way to the parking lot!


That fool had issues.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

HARDCORE PAWN, Episode Three: There's a Monster on the Loose (And It's Not Ashley!)

"In the heart of Detroit's 8 Mile lies the city's biggest and baddest pawn shop...."

I am Michiganian by birth, Detroiter by heart. I spent more than 30 years in the Automotive Capital of Earth, became a man and a professional there, so shows that are set in Detroit or attempt to capture a slice of life in the Motor City are especially dear to me.

Hardcore Pawn is an amazingly successful, largely unsung Detroit TV jewel. Shot inside the now-iconic American Jewelry & Loan on Eight Mile Road, Hardcore Pawn ended its sixth season with 3.4 million viewers on truTV, largest audience in the network's history. It's basic cable's No. 1 unscripted program in its 9 p.m. (EST) Tuesday time slot, spawned a spinoff series in Hardcore Pawn: Chicago and, if it weren't for the unbelievably whacked-out string of belligerent, ignorant, foulmouthed customers it spotlights, it would be a continuing source of pride for Detroiters.

Moreover, I have grown to know series stars Les and Seth Gold and Ashley Gold Broad personally. I've written several stories on the family-owned business, including this feature for HOUR Detroit magazine. I've even patronized the place: the wristwatch I wear every day was purchased at American Jewelry & Loan. So for its lucky seventh season, which premiered Tuesday, March 26, I've selected Hardcore Pawn as a series to review here on a weekly basis. Here's a recap of Episode Three, aired April 9:

I love the sibling-rivalry episodes of Hardcore Pawn best, because I know they're truly rooted in reality.

Ashley and I have spoken about her relationship with Seth. She candidly admits that while she loves her brother dearly, she begrudges the fact that she worked faithfully with Les at the pawn shop all through high school and her college years at Michigan State, then had to make room for Seth when he finally decided to join the family business. Resentment that deep never fades away completely.

So as Episode Three, "Monster Deals," begins with a contrite Seth welcoming back American's reluctant female employees after rescinding his body-search policy at the end of last week's show, Ashley can't resist a little "nanny-nanny-boo-boo" taunt in Seth's office doorway. She gets the door slammed in her face for her efforts.

"What do you do around here," Ashley asks him, "other than piss off the employees and act like an ass?"

 "The only thing you do," Seth counters, "is scare customers away."


Chal-longe! Brother and sister square off to see which one can attract more customers inside the store.

Unlike the previous two episodes, the lunatic client confrontations begin practically right off the jump in this half-hour. Josh, a blue-bandana-wearing wanderer from Dallas, wants to sell Les the beloved watch his grandmother gave him for so he can get back home. (Why is it always the grandmother? Sellers trying to evoke more sympathy? Don't grandfathers ever give expensive gifts?)

When Les informs him that the gold is plated and the timepiece virtually worthless, and adds that he knows this because he owns the place, young Josh responds with the ballsiest question of the year so far: "Can I talk to someone who knows what they're doing?" Why, sure. Les calls over his "jeweler" – Byron, his mountainous head of security – for a second opinion. "Nothin'!" Byron confirms.

After calling Byron a "bozo" and a "bitch" to his face, not the wisest things to say to a man who can block out the sun, Josh receives the bum's-rush escort from the security chief. Best part: Byron implores him to "have a nice day, sir," all the way out the door. "Guess the bitch won this one," he concludes.
Credit: Mark Hill/Turner

After dealing with five used CPR dummies so skanky that even the woman who brings them in won't demonstrate them (Rick, the always-agreeable head of computer security, cheerfully goes mouth-to-plastic-mouth to show they still work – is he the real dummy?), Ashley reveals her major marketing strategy. It's a gargantuan, inflatable King Kong lookalike on the roof of the pawn shop, the kind of gimmick you see on auto dealerships to promote a big sale. Across the gorilla's chest are the words, "Monster Deals."

"This is your great idea?" Seth laughs. "What the f--- does 'Monster Deals' even mean?"

"BIG deals," Ashley explains.

Les tries his best to encourage his daughter's initiative, but his facial expressions reveal how he really feels about having a giant balloon perched on top of his store.

Seth has the gorilla taken down the same day.

Then comes the most brutally honest Hardcore Pawn transaction of the season. Patrick, a bony Northern Michigan visitor sporting a Faux-hawk, tries to sell Ashley an antique African drum that once belonged to his father. Ashley maintains that the materials used to make the drum look too new for it to be vintage.

"I'm sure if it sits in here as long as some of the stuff's been sitting in here, it'll be an antique by the time it's sold," he counters. (Popular American Jewelry and Loan truism No. 1.)

She offers him $35. He counters with $350. "We're not even in the same ballpark," Ashley says. Patrick goes ballistic.

"I knew right when I seen (sic) you were going to be the one helping me that you were going to be a bitch," he erupts. "Everybody knows that Ashley at American Jewelry and Loan is a bitch!" (Truism No. 2, to the point where Ashley says total strangers come up to her on the street and exclaim, "You're that bitch on TV!" Talk about taking one for the family.)

That does it: Byron hustles Drummer Boy out the door so fast that Ashley has to chase behind them to give Patrick back his drum. Beat off, fella.

However, when a subsequent customer also gets in Ashley's face, demanding his "20 percent discount" and shouting, "I want you to quit, quit, quit!" Seth invites her and Les to go onto the roof – not to replace the gorilla, but so he can unveil his counter marketing strategy:

A giant billboard next to the store, with a headshot of Ashley and the invitation, "Make Her Quit, Save 20% on Next Purchase."

"Now that's a marketing campaign!" Seth beams.

"You are such an a--hole!" Ashley steams.

This was far and away the funniest and most entertaining episode of Season 7 thus far, the feel of Hardcore Pawn when all elements are clicking. And next week: the show's landmark 100th episode. Oh, that should be something to see.

SIDEBAR: I noted something in this episode that's practically never seen: A person walking out of the store with his face obscured for the camera! Doesn't everybody who comes into American Jewelry and Loan want to be seen on TV?

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Now that we're approaching a critical mass of episodes, beginning with this post we're going to rate, in our view, the best American Jewelry & Loan store ejections of the season. Currently, the Top 5 dismissals are:

5. Josh, the Dallas doofus, from this Episode Three.

4. Patrick, the demented drum dealer and Ashley verbal assaulter from Up North, also in Episode Three.

3. The sentimental fool from Episode One who tries to pawn one of his late grandmother's rings in the same breath he mourns her recent death. After Ashley politely informs him that Granny's ring is fake, he demands to speak to someone else "because you irritate me, flat out," calls her the B-word and sticks his finger in her face. That's enough to get Les involved in the toss-out, because NOBODY insults his daughter in his store. The incident also brings Ashley to tears.

2. "DogMan," the tall computer genius with anger management issues in Episode Two who orders Les to retrieve the hard drive from his pawned PC, begins slapping the glass between himself and Les when he's told no, and starts calling everybody "Dog" until security chief Byron "escorts" him from the store. "Who let the dog out?" asks Les, who went so far as to write "NO" in big letters on a piece of paper, shove it in front of the troublemaker's face, and unleash his first "MF" of the season. "Byron let the dog out!"

And, coming in this week at No. 1:

The boy genius from Episode One who comes in looking to buy a portable generator and asks, "It doesn't run on electricity, does it?" He then asks to bring the generator to his home to make sure it works and, when Seth scoffs at his request, flies into a rage, gets the Byron Bounce out the front door and ends up humping one of the tall front-door pylons on his way to the parking lot!

What a maroon.

Monday, April 8, 2013

'Mad Men' Season Six Premiere: Of Death, Dante, Sex and Puking


All photos credit: Michael Yarish/AMC
If you were enticed by the live ACM Awards or that Throne of Games show Sunday night, or just wanted to watch the one-year-delayed, season-opening episode of Mad Men on AMC without being distracted by engaging in social media (and really, who does that anymore?), you missed some rousing and provocative Twitter commentary during the broadcast. And not necessarily by the Big Glowing Box guy, although my live Tweets throughout the show have been compiled and are reprinted below.

This was a true modern-day television event, although early feedback suggests some viewers were less than thrilled by the episode. "Disappointed" is a word I've seen used like a mantra after the two-hour return called "The Doorway." I have a theory (actually three) as to why that may be.

In this strange new TV age where "season premieres" seemingly take place every weekend, audiences aren't used to waiting a year to see new episodes of anything, even a show with the obvious quality and attention to detail that Mad Men emanates. Or, after winning four consecutive Emmys as the best drama on television, the show has set its own bar so impossibly high that viewers expect nothing less than Eugene O'Neill perfection. Every week, please.

Or (and this is my personal favorite), creator and executive producer Matthew Weiner, like every one of us, is a creature of habit. The downside of having a megahit show is that sometimes networks ask you to create a two-hour "special" episode when you've been accustomed to building one-hour story arcs for years. Flow, pacing and story development can be victims of process. Longer doesn't always mean better, though I'm sure Don Draper would disagree.

And speaking of our favorite tortured antihero, we may never know how he responded to that blonde who asked, "Are you alone?" at the end of Season Five. Sunday's episode – after a jarring anachronism to begin the show – finds Draper and wife Megan on the beach in Hawaii. After Lane Pryce's in-office suicide last season and the passing of Roger Sterling's mom in this episode, Don's clearly searching for the meaning of life and death: I think he's determining that it's sex.

Here, with a few embellishments for clarity and to break free of 140-character bondage, is the compilation of our running Twitter commentary beginning at 9 p.m. EST Sunday, April 7 on AMC:

(8:59) Time to begin @MadMen_AMC tweeting! As Matthew Weiner said in season preview: We left in the summer of '67: nothing but chaos in the U.S after that.



CPR on a doorman? Not quite the #MadMen opening scene I expected.



Now this is more appropriate: Draper reading 'Dante's Inferno.' (He's on a working vacay in Hawaii.)



One review I read today said Jon Hamm doesn't speak a word of dialogue for the first SEVEN MINUTES. Somebody put a stopwatch on this guy! (9:03)



This Hawaii opening beats the heck out of a Manhattan skyscraper, doesn't it? 



Five minutes and counting. Hamm hasn't spoken yet.



Apparently while we were gone, Megan landed a role in a soap opera! At least she's signing autographs! Anyone confirm?



He did it! Don Draper is serving as best man at a total stranger's beach wedding! Never thought of him as a stand-up guy.



Nice to know Betty's still reckless (driving). We need some consistency in these characters. 



I pray Megan never asks me, "How are you feeling?"



It's official: Don Draper's first word of dialogue in 2013, after a seven-minute wait: "Army." I want to be Jon Hamm.



Christina Hendricks in a new Johnny Walker Black commercial? That'll make drunks out of many sober men. #Breathtaking



"She's in the next room. Why don't you go in there and rape her?" Betty, Betty oooooh! Yuck! More class, less crass, please. 



"People are naturally democratic if you give them a chance." Betty: "Are you on dope?" 

The episode is set during the holidays, and they have plumped up January Jones like a Christmas turkey.



First Peggy sighting! (9:28)



First Roger sighting, at 9:30 – thankfully, hilariously, in therapy.



Soldiers cutting off ears in Vietnam? I remember none of this. I do vividly recall  the knee-jerk reactions of real-life ad agencies, tho.



(Retweet from HuffPostTV:) Hey, there's James Wolk playing a SCDP account guy trying to chat up Don. Shades of how a young Draper annoyed Sterling



"I always get two, I don't want to share." Crazy '60s white people.



Are they really smoking dope in the creative bullpen! This IS the '60s! And a black woman secretary, too! Progress!



Don Ho and 'From Here to Eternity' in the same breath? Smooth, Roger. That sums up the mainland's knowledge of Hawaii in the '60s.



"We want that electric jolt to the body. We want eros. It's like a drug. It's not domestic." And there defines Don Draper's life.



Roger's mother died. At 91. And Carolyn is more shattered than he is. "She was always so nice, when she could hear me."



Peggy has become Don Draper with breasts.


This should be good: Don in a photo shoot. But he now realizes he brought back the wrong cigarette lighter from Hawaii.



As much as Don Draper smokes, how could he JUST NOW realize he had that soldier's lighter?



The photographer says to Don, "I want you to be yourself." Yeah, like he knows who THAT is. 



Megan can't attend the funeral of Roger's mother because she has a TV call. That independence is not going to sit will with Don.



Looks like Betty has a new (little) friend.



Roger Sterling is about to have a field day at this funeral.



"Do you want to bury her with this ring?" Roger: "We already burned her up."



Given a choice, you'd probably rather attend a funeral like this drunk like Don.



Wheelchair-bound mourner: "I have a few words to say. I insist." Roger: "Of course. Why don't you roll on over here?"



And Draper upchucks in the umbrella stand! Gotta love this show? Roger: "This is MY funeral! Everybody OUT!"



Now it all comes into focus: this #MadMen premiere is a multifaceted look at death. What a cheery way to begin a season.



My boy Roger: After erupting at his mother's funeral, then momentarily being overcome by grief, he still tries to hit on Mona.



Looks like a jar of pee to me. #RiverJordanWater



"Refrigeration. It's the wave of the future, Daddy." Sounds more like the '40s than the '60s. (10:25)

The doorman's near-death experience at the very top was Don's opportunity to ask, "What did you see?" while you were dead.



"So you'll still love me, even if I'm a lying, cheating whore?" Can't believe that's Megan talking to Don, not vice versa.



"Is marijuana expensive?" Dear Betty, still more guts than brains. Like I said, reckless. (10:32)



"Those workers aren't surprised, because they know that they're lazy." – Betty. Like I said before, Draper with boobs.]



I had no idea Adrien Brody was alive in the '60s. #PeggysBoyfriend (Better comparison, from another Tweeter: Frank Zappa.)



Introducing the Invisible Partner: We've seen more of Christina Hendricks in her booze commercials than in the episode.



"Well, heaven's a little morbid. How do you get to heaven? Something terrible has to happen." Thanks, Don. God, your thoughts?



The Don Draper I remember never would have been so accommodating to clients' dumb comments. Hawaii must do something to a man.

Whoa! Betty as a brunette? Anyone? Anyone? I'm kinda channeling Annette Funicello here.


(Retweet from @NicoleW:) Betty went Veronica.




And now, everyone, a '60s discussion of gay sex.



Oh, no! The obligatory Hawaii vacation slides. Can we return to the gay sex conversation, please?
 

Can't look at Kevin Rahm without thinking of "Judging Amy." Oh, I did love that show.




Don Draper got very existential in this episode. Don't think his questions are going to be answered anytime soon. 



Somehow sweet to see a rotary-dial phone again.


THERE's the big surprise I'd heard about! I don't believe that's Megan! Don's in bed with his neighbor's wife. Episode had to run to 11:08 to squeeze that in!



And we're off – and Don Draper, like a rabid rabbit, is back in. Thanks, folks. It was fun. 

Sunday, April 7, 2013

DALLAS: Snidely Whiplash Has Nothing on Harris Ryland

Big, huge, Texas-sized doin's on Dallas this week.

In last Monday's episode, the state seized the land – and essentially, the business – of Ewing Energies as a result of the explosion that leveled the company's methane gas refinery.

Ken Richards (so cool to see Lee Majors again, in a guest role) pulls a Judas act on Sue Ellen and the family.

TESHA, the state's energy commission, ruled Christopher's negligence in not replacing a faulty sensor was to blame for the blast (when we all know it really was Cliff Barnes who paid for the platform to be dynamited, killing Christopher and Pamela's unborn babies in the process) and fines the family $1 billion for the catastrophe. (Note here: the Ewings' reaction, after Bobby tells the commission to stick their ruling where the oil don't flow, was not, "Oh, my Lord, where are we ever going to find that much money?" "It was more, "Oh, well, if we have to pay it, we guess we will." How much money do they have at Southfork, anyway? Must. Be. Nice.)

Even the governor of Texas (Steven Weber) appears to be in on the conspiracy to run the Ewings out of business and bring them to their haughty knees. And all the while, Harris Ryland (Mitch Pileggi) and Barnes are sitting back, rubbing their hands with glee and waiting for the dominoes to fall.

Oh, the soap's getting all sudsy now. It's all enough to merit a two-hour Dallas spectacular beginning at 8 p.m. EST Monday, April 8 on TNT, two new episodes back-to-back as the Ewing family unites to begin their counteroffensive.

Bobby wants to muss him up, but Ryland's got the upper hand – for now.*


With the death of J.R., this series needed a villain contemptible enough for the audience to boo and hiss whenever he appeared on the screen. Frankly, Cliff (Ken Kercheval) is a little long in the tooth for the assignment, but the producers appear to have found their man in Harris Ryland.

He pushes his mother (Judith Light) down a staircase. When he disapproves of his daughter's boyfriend, he has the kid snatched off the street, stuffed in a trunk and the snot beaten out of him. Boo! Hiss! Pileggi is certainly not the man he used to be in TV viewers' eyes, a mighty far piece from his days as Walter Skinner on The X-Files.

But I'm betting Pileggi knows what most actors recognize, and what Larry Hagman understood very well: villains usually get the best lines. And before we forget about it and move on, his closing speech as Harris at the end of last Monday's episode, "Let Me In" written by series creator David Jacobs, Cynthia Cidre and Aaron Allen, is a bit of business worth remembering.

Sitting in the governor's office, Ryland delivers a chilling, monotonal soliloquy comparing his strategy to that of a notorious killer of the animal kingdom. While he talks, the screen flashes with scenes of the Ewings' business and family slowly unraveling.

Ryland says: 

"I watched this program the other day. Some nature documentary on the hunting pattern of the Komodo dragon. Did you watch this?

"Well, see, the Komodo is venomous. His bite is poison. So he bites his prey – buffalo, usually – and then he waits.

"The Komodo is strong. But the buffalo is stronger. He can't take it down while it's at full strength. So the dragon waits, while the buffalo gets weaker and weaker. Takes days. Weeks, sometimes.

"Now the dragon keeps his distance but never loses sight of his prey. He's patient, and he has no mercy. That's his biggest strength.

"The dragon watches the poison takes hold, waiting for the buffalo to fall. For a moment to pounce. The buffalo panics, tries to escape, tries to fight the venom. But it's no use. The venom is absolute.

"There's no escapin' it, no fighting it, no endgame where the buffalo wins and the dragon loses. But the dragon's patience is well rewarded. The buffalo collapses, succumbs to the venom.

"And that's when the dragon feeds."

Hey, did he just call the Ewings a bunch of buffaloes?

Never herd anything like that.


*Photo courtesy TNT/Jade Rosenthal

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

HARDCORE PAWN, Episode Two: Workers of the World, Revolt!

"In the heart of Detroit's 8 Mile lies the city's biggest and baddest pawn shop...."

I am Michiganian by birth, Detroiter by heart. I spent more than 30 years in the Automotive Capital of Earth, became a man and a professional there, so shows that are set in Detroit or attempt to capture a slice of life in the Motor City are especially dear to me.

Hardcore Pawn in particular is an amazingly successful, largely unsung Detroit TV jewel. Shot inside the now-iconic American Jewelry & Loan on Eight Mile Road, Hardcore Pawn ended its sixth season with 3.4 million viewers on truTV, largest audience in the network's history. It's basic cable's No. 1 unscripted program in its 9 p.m. (EST) Tuesday time slot, spawned a spinoff series in Hardcore Pawn: Chicago and, if it weren't for the unbelievably whacked-out string of belligerent, ignorant, foulmouthed customers it spotlights, it would be a continuing source of pride for Detroiters.

Moreover, I have grown to know series stars Les and Seth Gold and Ashley Gold Broad personally. I've written several stories on the family-owned business, including this feature for HOUR Detroit magazine. I've even patronized the place: the wristwatch I wear every day was purchased at American Jewelry & Loan. So for its lucky seventh season, which premiered Tuesday, March 26, I've selected Hardcore Pawn as a series to review here on a weekly basis. Here's a recap of Episode Two, aired April 2:

When we left last week's season-opening episode, the female loan workers at American Jewelry & Loan were ending their workday with steam pouring out of their ears. They vehemently objected to Seth's new policy of searching every employee each day as they left the store. (This move a knee-jerk reaction to the pawn shop's head of security caught on tape stealing gold and diamonds, the bombshell that ended last season.)

As this episode begins, we see exactly how angry the women are: They stage a mass "sick-out" in protest, with virtually none of the back-office employees showing up for work. Les, Seth and Ashley have no alternative but to work the customer windows themselves.

"You know this is all your fault," Ashley, never one to mince her words, accuses Seth. "You and your body searches, Seth!"

"Me and my body searches?" counters Seth, prior to delivering one of the lamest rationales in modern television history. "All the girls call in sick, maybe they're really sick."

Nice try. "I don't remember ever a time in our history where all of the loan girls walked out and never came back the next day!" Ashley concludes.

Oops.

(Credit: Mark Hill/Turner)
It takes Les, oh, about three minutes to remember why he stopped working the windows 20 years ago. A tall, very insistent young man arrives asking to retrieve the hard drive from a computer he pawned at American. Problem: Once you pawn an item, it's owned by the pawn shop until you buy it back. All of it.

As you've come to expect, the hard-drive hooligan grows increasingly irate, declares he's not leaving until he gets what he came for, and begins slapping the glass in front of Les's face while repeatedly calling him "Dog." Don't slap the glass in front of Les's face and call him "Dog." Les goes so far as to write "NO" in big block letters on a piece of paper and hold it in front of the troublemaker's face, growing so irritated himself that he unleashes his first "MF" of the season. Byron, the new head of security, eventually dog-pounds the fist-swinging scoundrel while showing him the door, the season's first great ejection.

"Who let the dog out?" Les asks Seth. "Byron let the dog out!"

Meanwhile, Ashley just can't stop herself. "You know this is going to bite you in the ass," she tells Seth. "Did you see how angry the employees were when they walked out last night?"

"Why don't you shut up and get back to work?" Seth gently suggests.

She does. Ashley works the phones, trying to contact the wayward workers and convince them to return to work the next day. At first all her calls go directly to voicemails, spiking her frustration. When Ashley finally does make contact, one employee tells her she didn't appreciate "being treated like a criminal" over an incident in which she played no part and questions whether she'll ever come back to work. "Don't make any final decisions," Ashley implores. "I will deal with Seth."

Seth doesn't witness her phone campaign; all he knows is, she's not helping him at the customer windows. 

Meanwhile, Les leaves his post as well, drawn outside to view a massive, impressively detailed wooden cigar humidor that the goateed seller claims was made by the Detroit Showcase Company circa 1920. He's asking slightly less than $10,000, and Les, a cigar smoker himself, knows the humidor is worth it. Problem is, it'll be almost impossible to resell and if he decides to keep it, where is he going to put it? After initially walking away from the deal, Les throws a last-minute Hail Mary and gets the humidor hustler to agree to $1,400 rather than hauling it home. But it takes Les almost an hour to negotiate the price, making window-bound Seth even testier.

After the half-hour's most entertaining segment – a loud, wiry woman who demands to see her lying store-employee boyfriend about unpaid child support (a boyfriend who apparently lied about working at American, since no such employee exists) and is slyly persuaded to leave by being told he's outside on his break – Seth's teeming anger boils over. When a black-capped customer shouts and cavorts so outrageously that Seth can't complete a simple business call, he steps from behind the glass, confronts him, ejects him, then calls an emergency family meeting in his office.

Seth's rage may be slightly misplaced. "I've had it! What in the world is going on with you guys today!" he charges. He accuses Ashley of being on "a coffee break all day" and Les of taking "an hour to negotiate a hunk of wood and glass."

Les and Ashley's jaws drop in unison.

Their reaction is swift and pointed: Seth, THIS IS YOUR FAULT! "My fault?" he reacts. "That our employees steal from us, this is my fault?"

Not a classic Hardcore Pawn episode by any means, but watchable nonetheless. It ends in a flurry of yelling and accusations, but no resolution. Will the workers return? Will harmony be restored to American Jewelry and Loan? Like the off-camera announcers used to say back in the Dark Ages, "Tune in next week."

NOTE: It was very cool to see Les, Seth and Ashley appear in a customized commercial promoting the Friday, April 5 release of Evil Dead, the remake of the 1981 cult-horror classic. One set of Detroit originals, plugging another.