Making a Pitch for the 'Newest' Show of The New Fall Season

Kylie Bunbury is Throwing Heat. (Warwick Saint/FOX)

This fall, everything old is on TV again.

There's a scaled-down home version of The Exorcist. Lethal Weapon, MacGyver and Van Helsing, too. Michael Weatherly left the No. 1 show on television after 13 seasons – 13 seasons! – only to show up this September with a new drama of his own. (What kind of Bull is that?)

Kiefer Sutherland is back with the job Jack Bauer really wanted, as President of the United States in Designated Survivor. Kevin James, Westworld (with Anthony Hopkins, no less), Sarah Jessica Parker, Frequency, Ted Danson, a show abut going back in time (Timeless) and at least two new series (No Tomorrow, Aftermath) about the end of the world. It's like taking a stroll through the Museum of Broadcast Communications in Chicago.

That's why, ever since I heard about its coming and its concept, there is one new fall show I've been almost giddy with anticipation to see.

Because I am an absolute fool for baseball.

Because, with a woman running for president for the first time in history, the time and setting are perfect.

Because I'm fascinated to see how the phenomenal executive producer and director, Paris Barclay (NYPD Blue, Sons of Anarchy) and his team can sustain the excitement of the storyline through, say, four episodes.

And because, as far as I can recall, it is unlike any other series ever on television.

The show is called Pitch, about the first woman to play for a Major League Baseball team, and it premieres at 9 p.m. Thursday (Sept. 22, 2016) on FOX.

It revolves around pitcher Ginny Baker, played by Kylie Bunbury, who has fought her way up the San Diego Padres minor league system to make a spot start for the big club – and set off the kind of media frenzy and public hysteria usually reserved for Royal Weddings.

The day she's scheduled to take the mound, Ellen DeGeneres sends a fruit basket. Hillary wires a congratulatory bouquet. The streets around Petco Park are absolutely jammed with delirious fans. And while all that's entirely fictitious, one of the things I like about Pitch is how it weaves real-life sports notables into the storyline. As Ginny meanders to the clubhouse, she passes by screens showing FOX Sports luminaries (Colin Cowherd, Katie Nolan, Ken Rosenthal) weighing in on her odds of success. (Wonder if they participated willingly?)

It also seems realistic that the sad-sack Padres, who haven't truly approached greatness since my Tigers whupped 'em back in '84, might be the major league franchise most likely to take such a gamble-slash-publicity stunt. And with the full support of MLB, the show resounds with being-at-the-ballpark authenticity. (Wonder if the Padres participated willingly?) 

You Can Buy Lauria (L) as a Manager, but Mark-Paul Gosselaar? (Ray Mickshaw/FOX)

Where the bounds of credibility begin to stretch is with Kylie Bunbury, who is, in a word, stunning. I think it's a masterstroke that producers chose a relative unknown – her FOX bio is just six lines long – for their lead, so we can focus on her present role instead of her resumé.

Word is that Bunbury was cast months before the show went into production so she could learn how to pitch, or at least look like someone who could make it to the majors. However, I might expect a young woman who could throw in the mid-80s (aided by a trick-pitch screwball, the pitch taught her by her father) to have a build more like Hope Solo or Serena Williams than a teen model – which Bunbury once was, in Minnesota.

Obviously, your belief in the possibility of Ginny Baker – wearing No. 43, "one more than Jackie Robinson" – is critical to the success of the series. Like a rookie on the diamond, however, Pitch wisely surrounded their newcomer with an impressive team, a cast of familiar TV players: Bob Balaban as the team owner, Dan Lauria (The Wonder Years) as the requisite crusty Old School manager, Mark Consuelos (Kelly Ripa) as the Padres publicist, and the sumptuous Ali Larter as Ginny's agent.

You'll be fascinated by Michael Beach, another omnipresent actor, as Ginny's stony, unrelenting Sports Dad, obsessed with molding one of his kids into a baseball pro. But I can't get over the casting of Mark-Paul Gosselaar as the team's veteran star catcher, Mike Lawson. Because pitcher and catcher must be two sides of the same brain, he and Ginny are inextricably connected. So your ability to believe in Gosselaar as a perennial All-Star behind the plate is almost as vital to Pitch as seeing Bunbury as a hurler.

The beard he's grown to increase his grizzle quotient didn't help me. If your Gosselaar memory goes back only as far as Franklin & Bash or NYPD Blue, you've got a shot. If you remember him as Zack Morris, good luck.

Ginny knows well her limitations, and her sexist teammates' expectations. "Seventy-five percent of them think I'm the next San Diego Chicken," she sighs. "The other 25 percent just want to see me shower." Yet Pitch clearly intends to take the societal implications surrounding America's first female MLB player far beyond stadium walls.

"This girl is Hillary Clinton with sex appeal," raves Larter's character, Amelia Slater, who says she gave up George Clooney to make Ginny her full-time client. "She's a Kardashian with a skill set. She's the most important woman on the planet right now."

The writing is crisp, witty and topical (there's even a Red Reddington reference on FOX), and a baseball-themed series on the network that's broadcasting this year's World Series can't hurt the show's exposure. It's suspected that when ABC decided to move Scandal to a midseason return, FOX leaped at the possibility Shondaland fans might sample another hour drama with a strong black woman atop the cast.

I think Pitch is going to have trouble hitting a home run, for the same gender-challenged reasons a show like Men of a Certain Age (a personal fave) didn't make it: men aren't going to flock to see a woman play baseball, and most women don't love the game enough to watch.

It's hard to be the first. Much as I love the baseball setting, Bunbury and Gosselaar may make it hard for Pitch to get to first.

On the Big Glowing Box Remote (out of 10): 7.5 clicks.

EXCLUSIVE: With Andre Braugher of 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'

I don't remember now which of his many series he was representing. Could it have been so long ago that he was still playing the role for which he may be best known, as arrogant, eccentric, irresistible Detective Frank Pembleton on the classic cop drama Homicide: Life on the Street?

At any rate, I was still a relatively brand-new television critic, writing for The Detroit News, and certainly something of an anomaly: even today there are very few people of color writing about TV on a regular basis, and in the early '90s there were almost none.

Perhaps that was the key. I bumped into Andre Braugher in the elevator of the Santa Monica hotel where the Television Critics Association meetings were being held that summer and we began a casual conversation. It floated into the lobby bar where we talked about a variety of subjects – very few related to acting or television, as I recall – over a round or two of drinks. "What a great guy," I think to myself. I've never been starstruck, but neither had I ever spent significant time chatting with a nationally known actor in a non-interview setting. "He's nothing at all like his characters!"

As we get up to leave, Braugher takes a napkin off the bar and pulls out a pen. He writes down his home number and hands it to me. "If you're ever on the coast, give me a call," he smiles. Well, just how cool is this?

I'd like to tell you this is the start of a beautiful, decades-long friendship. But I would be telling you a lie, for I am a doofus. By the time I returned to Detroit from California a few weeks later, I lost the napkin.

I recount this story to Braugher recently over the phone (no, I didn't find the number; a Beverly Hills publicist set up the call), which elicits a laugh. "I'm glad to know I was perceived as being a nice guy," he says.

He's also being perceived now – for perhaps the first time in his long career – as a comedic actor. He has been nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award as Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series each of the two seasons Brooklyn Nine-Nine has been on the air for his portrayal of Captain Ray Holt, the by-the-book, openly gay commanding officer of TV's wackiest precinct.

As Capt. Ray Holt, the Last (Serious) Man Standing. (FOX/Tommy Garcia)

As Season Three arrives on FOX at 8:30 p.m. EST Sunday (Sept. 27, 2015), however, we find Capt. Holt has been transferred – and demoted – to head his former unit in the NYPD's Public Relations Office, the result of his ongoing insult war with the evil Deputy Chief Madeline Wuntch (guest star Kyra Sedgwick). Holt's farewell to his squad at the end of Season Two was the kind of scene from which YouTube legends are made. And now the 9-9 must deal with a new captain: guest star Bill Hader, former Saturday Night Live stablemate of series star Andy Samberg, as the efficiency-obsessed Capt. Seth Dozerman.

What are we to make of all this? For that matter, what does Braugher think of these big changes, I asked him as our one-on-one interview began.

When you received the script for the Season Two finale, were you at all concerned that you were being written out of the series?

I wasn't concerned in the least. I mean, there's always a cliffhanger at the end of a season. Jake (Andy Samberg) left the first year, Ray left last year, and next year who knows?

As a matter of fact, (co-executive producer) Dan Goor gave me a call after the script came out and said, 'Oh, in case you were wondering whether or not you're on the show, we have this whole elaborate thing planned out, blah, blah, blah,' I told him I had no doubts. Other people asked, 'Are you leaving the show? Where are you going?' I said, 'I'm sure they have something planned and they're going to resolve it.' I know these guys (Goor and Michael Schur) to be sharp and funny. They're not crashing their own show.

I think I have a contract that runs six years, and I think they're happy with my work. I've gotten two consecutive Emmy nominations. So I think I'm good.

Did you have any misgivings about playing a gay character?

I wasn't concerned about anything other than the fact that typically, gay characters are the butt of the joke. But I understood these guys (Goor and Schur) have a very good pedigree. I've watched The Office and Parks and Recreation and I know these guys are smart writers who create really rich and detailed universes for their characters. So my only question was, what's your intention with this?

Basically it was a five-minute conversation. Dan said his intentions were ultimately respectful. New York is a city that's incredibly diverse and this cast is incredibly diverse as well. It's his attempt to mirror the world, and I think that's wonderful. Raymond Holt is in a long-lasting, monogamous, stable relationship. He said this is not the kind of show where you're going to be wearing pink hot pants one day and dancing to 'YMCA' the next. No matter how crazy the characters are, they're still going to admirable in their own way. And I took him at his word.

It's an especially touchy issue for black actors, no?

You know, African American men in drag or as flamboyant homosexuals is really a very common theme in television, so it was always important for me to stay away from that kind of stuff. So I trusted these guys, and it's proven true. Ray Holt is a very interesting man whose sexual orientation is part of his character as opposed to being his defining trait.

Do you expect that Brooklyn Nine-Nine has impacted your image to the extent that casting directors will think of you now as a comedic actor?

(Laughs.) Possibly. I don't know. I mean, this was so unexpected. I would love to. I would love to take on some comic movies, I'd love to take on some comic challenges. I wasn't born to comedy, but I think there's a place for me. I would love to embrace it wholeheartedly and see where it goes, because I feel rejuvenated as an actor by being involved with this comedy. 

The undeniably diverse (and bizarre) cast of 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine' (Scott Schafer/FOX)

Do you have any 'rearview mirror' thoughts about Men of a Certain Age (the short-lived TNT drama co-starring Ray Romano and Scott Bakula, which also earned Braugher two Emmy nominations). It was so good, and seemed to be canceled way too soon.

Well, I guess the numbers weren't good enough. People really had a very strong affection for that show, as did I. And I felt we were telling a really mature kind of comic tale about men in this time of their life.

You know, it's typically true of television that men at this age are the butt of the joke, and this was a show that loved them and understood them. You could see it in the writing. So I was sorry to see it go, but that's been the story of my entire career. It's not my decision. It's not my network. I would have done something different and I would have loved to go on with the show. Ray is a comic genius, period, and Scott is a perfect gentleman. But once again, it was TNT's call. If the numbers don't satisfy them, it's time to go.

They (TV networks) do love to pull the plug too early on the shows, you know? Shows don't get a chance to build. They just yank 'em. If farmers ripped up their crops as quickly as networks rip up television shows, nothing would ever grow. But I went on to Last Resort (the military drama that aired one season on ABC), and right after that I went on to Brooklyn Nine-Nine. So I consider myself fortunate as an actor to have been gainfully employed for five years in a row.

Does anyone still recognize you as Frank Pembleton, or has too much water flowed under the bridge since Homicide?

As Det. Frank Pembleton

Yeah, sure, from people my age (53). Because those are the people who saw the show when it ran on the network or saw it in DVD or boxed sets. But you know, the show doesn't stream, so there's a whole generation that knows nothing about that show. I mean, you can't find it on Hulu or iTunes, you can't buy it. You can see excerpts that people have posted on YouTube, but that's it.

It was a really interesting show, but no one can actually see it anymore. It's going to disappear, because you can't watch it. Test it out. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's the neanderthal in me coming out, but I don't consider myself a novice on a computer. And I don't see any way for an ordinary individual to watch an episode of Homicide. It's going to fade from consciousness.

'The Last Man on Earth:' The Last Show You'd Want to Watch

 

Will Forte is Phil Miller, Awash in a 10-year-old's Paradise. (FOX/Justin Althaus)

Think of all the money they saved on casting.

The very definition of the one-note gag, The Last Man on Earth, premieres Sunday (March 1, 2015) at 9 p.m. EST on FOX with a one-hour introductory episode, which is at least 41 minutes too long.

The promos proclaim this comedy is "unlike anything you've seen on television," and that is true. The question is whether that's a good thing.

It's different. It's outrageous. What it's not, as far as I could tell, is funny. I occasionally thought to myself, "Well, that's excessive" or "That's meant for shock value," but I never thought, "Hey, that's hysterical!" I strained to work up a pleasant smile.

The premise – do I even need to explain the premise? – is the title. Will Forte is Phil Miller, a fortysomething ex-temp worker (read: slacker) who appears to be the lone survivor of a devastating virus in 2020 that wiped out the rest of America's 320 million citizens. (Question to God, please: If you were to kill everyone in the United States, why would you spare Will Forte?)

He steals – well, guess it wouldn't exactly be stealing, would it? – a tour bus and criss-crosses the country looking for another survivor, emitting the longest scream of desperation ever heard on TV after he comes up empty. He spray-paints the message "Alive in Tucson" wherever he can, because that's where he's elected to settle.

He's taken souvenirs from his travels to spruce up the mansion he's chosen as his new digs. Babe Ruth autographs. Priceless works of art. Dorothy's ruby slippers. He takes cues from the Tom Hanks movie Cast Away. He talks to God, and admits having the run of the country does have its benefits. "These are Hugh Hefner's actual pajamas," he boasts to the Almighty. "Yeah. I washed them."

Mostly, though, Phil fights boredom by engaging in the kind of childish acts of destruction that would make Jackass fans green with envy. Not to mention, he now has free access to all the alcohol he can drink, and takes full advantage at every opportunity. He flashes back to his last birthday, a joyous party surrounded by loved ones, then contrasts it to this year's celebration: a single candle in a Twinkie – washed down with a bottle of $10,000 wine.

If you had free access to all booze, would you become a human margarita? (FOX)

So socially awkward is Phil that he has difficulty working up the courage to introduce himself to a shapely dress-store mannequin. (No, really.) After vowing to himself that he can keep it together despite the crushing loneliness, by the 16-minute mark of the pilot he's ready to commit suicide by driving an off-road vehicle into a huge boulder he's taken the time to adorn with a red-and-white bull's-eye. Time is one of the many things Phil has plenty of. "I've been through a lot lately, and just realized that having other people around is really what makes life worth living," he acknowledges.

Where do you go from here? This show is sad, occasionally contemplative, maybe even pitiful, all of which flies in the face of classifying it as a sitcom. You won't be tempted to join Phil in ending it all, but I find it impossible to believe you won't want to end Last Man on Earth by jumping off to another channel. There is a development about halfway through the hour that changes the dynamic significantly, but I believe you'll find it more annoying than encouraging.

Since he's really all you've got here, liking this show inherently means liking Forte. My feeling: meh. Did anyone ever really think those MacGruber sketches on Saturday Night Live were funny?

It's hard to fathom that the same people who gave us Empire also could give us this. Different silos for drama and comedy development, no doubt?

Entertainment Weekly tells us nearly 100 new series have been greenlghted for airing already in 2015. If any more of them are as brainless and unwatchable as Last Man on Earth, networks, please, scrap the process and start over.

My rating (1-10 scale): 1 click.

FOX is 'Empire' Building, a Potential Contemporary Classic

Terrence Howard: Luscious as Lucious in 'Empire' (Chuck Hodes/FOX)

OK, ladies, your attention please! FOX is prepared to offer you the opportunity to gaze week after week at Terrence Howard, he of the velvety café au lait skin and sparkling green eyes, draped in some of the most dashing men's attire currently displayed on network television.

Your vote on Empire? Greatest new show on TV? Gotcha. All right, next review!

But seriously folks, as Lucious Lyon, the suave yet sinister mogul of a music and entertainment megacorp (think Jay-Z, but good lookin'), Howard is the focal point – and, ironically, the eye candy – of Empire, the hip-hop rendition of Dallas premiering at 9:01 p.m. EST Tuesday (Jan. 7, 2015) on FOX.

Lucious knows the president by his first name and waxes eloquent on the role of the Internet in killing his music industry. However, make no mistake: it's Taraji P. Henson, his fellow Oscar-nominated actor, in the role of ex-wife Cookie Lyon that gives this show its hustle and flow.

Cookie is the straw that stirs the drink, the engine that drives the vehicle, the hip that moves the hop. She's just been released from prison for good behavior after serving 17 years on drug possession charges, it was her drug money that financed Lucious' Empire Entertainment conglomerate, and she's back "to get what's mine" – just as Lucious is attempting to take his company public. She is brutally honest, and honestly brutal.

Protect the children.

If this Empire collapses, it will be only because of the weight of its expectations. I mean, look at its name! FOX has mounted a tremendous assault of promotion and hype for this series. It has been handed a desirable, compatible time slot behind the return of American Idol. Joe Buck talked more last Sunday about its premiere than about how the Detroit Lions were getting screwed in the NFL playoff game. And whether you believe the hype or not, at least you can understand the reason why.

He's Lyon, but She's One Tough Cookie. (FOX)

Empire is the creation of super-hot Lee Daniels, basking in the glow of his celebrated work on the films Lee Daniels' The Butler and Precious. Daniels is executive producer, directed the pilot and co-wrote it with his screenwriting partner Danny Strong. He was taking no chances of having his vision altered. So much juice has he that he persuaded his Precious star Gabourey Sidibe to take a brief, sassy guest role as Lucious' secretary. (And one can't help notice that Lyon's henchman, Bunky, who could have used any comparison to voice his discontent, complains that Lucious "treats me like the butler.")

The cast is simply extraordinary. When Malik Yoba, who plays Empire's chairman of the board, is listed fifth among the opening credits, you know you're dealing with some serious star power here. No less a personage than rapper-producer Timbaland, a mini music mogul in his own right, composed the original music for Empire, and much of it is pretty sweet. One wonders, however, if the music doesn't sometimes overwhelm or sidetrack the storyline.

And what a storyline. For reasons that become clear late in the hour, Lucious feels its time to hand down his kingdom to one of his three sons. "What is this, we King Lear now?" asks one. Well, yeah, kinda, if the king could have freestyled. Lucious insists "it's time for one of you Negroes to man up" and claim the throne.

There's the eldest son, Andre (Trai Byers), the polished Ivy League grad who is most qualified to take over the business but lacks the superstar-artist image Lucious wants for his company's CEO. There's middle son Jamal (Jussie Smollett), an immensely talented singer-songwriter whose sexual orientation has caused him to be ostracized by his homophobic father. (It has been suggested that this dynamic is patterned after Daniels' own relationship with his police officer father and undoubtedly will generate dialogue about being black and gay in America in weeks to come.) And there's Hakeem (Bryshere Gray), the golden child, a hip-hop superstar in training whose pampered upbringing and wild excesses may derail his career.

Lyon cubs Hakeem (Bryshere Gray) and Jamal (Jussie Smollett) compete. (Chuck Hodes/FOX)

Whoever finally assumes control of the dynasty will have to navigate a tangled web of intrigue and subplots – as will we viewers. Sibling rivalry! Terminal illness! Drug money! Blackmail! Child abuse! Interracial marriage! Men kissing men! Murder! And this is in the first hour! Daniels will have no problem finding plotlines to pursue, but it's a lot to take in and choppy in some places; hopefully the audience can hang on for the wild ride.

A predominantly African American primetime soap opera. Tyler Perry is making it work with The Haves and the Have Nots. 50 Cent, who is almost never at a loss for something to say, is slamming Empire because its marketing images look similar to the ones for his Starz series Power? Negro, please. When a series features a strong male and female lead, it sorta makes sense to picture them together. And while comedies or dramas infused with music haven't made an impact since – well, since Glee (conversely, anybody here remember Smash?), ABC is showing signs of a breakthrough with its delightful Monty Pythonesque romp Galavant, so perhaps the timing is right for Empire to (back)beat the odds.

Here's what we know: FOX is projecting this as its biggest can't-miss hit in years, ordering 13 episodes in an era where usually eight is enough and banking on the show's big names and Daniels' proven storytelling skills to take the day. Win or lose, at least we're guaranteed a few months of great music...and staring at Howard.

On the Big Glowing Box 1-10 remote: eight (8) clicks.

'Mulaney' Is More Lamey, Because It's So Obviously 'Jerry-Rigged'

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. Long before recycling became our national guilt trip, TV network nabobs were obsessed with going green (as in profits) by digging through piles of old series that had been even marginally successful, dusting them off and bringing them back before us with a new coat of paint and a fresh set of faces.

Mulaney's sitcom just doesn't stand up. (Ray Mickshaw/FOX)

It's a gimmick that's as old as the situation comedy format. (I rest my case.) But when a new show blatantly attempts to imitate a series that, almost by consensus, was the greatest TV comedy ever conceived, shouldn't it be held up for a special type of contempt?

It's impossible to completely like or appreciate Mulaney, premiering Sunday (Oct. 5) at 9:30 p.m. EST on FOX, because it's such a painfully obvious and pale imitation of Seinfeld – from the standup routines that used to mark Jerry Seinfeld's early episodes to the lame parodies of each member of the '90s show's Fantastic Four cast.

Am I the only one who sees this shameless miscarriage of comedy? Apparently not. In Mulaney's second episode, the protagonist's girlfriend, an alleged comedian groupie, ends their relationship and labels him a "Seinfeld ripoff" as she stalks away. Mulaney acknowledges it! In his own script! What the heck are we to make of this?

I suppose if you're going to rip off anyone, steal from the best. But why? Comedian John Mulaney, the show's namesake, seems a likeable enough fellow, impossibly thin and boyishly good looking. (Suggestion: Stay away from the skinny ties, John; they make you look even thinner, like a living hologram.) He's the golden child of Lorne Michaels, an executive producer on Mulaney, who hails him as "one of the most brilliant" people he's ever had in his Saturday Night Live stable after Mulaney won an Emmy Award for writing on SNL.

He could easily stand (up) on his own merits, create a concept uniquely his own. If this is meant to be an homage, it's too homogenized. I swear, even the refrigerator in Mulaney's funky urban apartment looks eerily familiar!

Seriously, look at that fridge! (Ray Mickshaw/FOX)

Mulaney is a struggling, up-and-coming young comic who lands a job writing jokes for a once-big comedian named Lou Cannon, who has been reduced to hosting a daytime game show called You Guessed It. (And, you guessed it, the show's name is used repeatedly as a shallow punchline.) Cannon is played, surprisingly, by Martin Short, which in and of itself is no reason to think less of him. But he's obviously there merely for name value: Short's trademark schtick, all ego and bluster, does nothing to improve the series.

At home, unlike Jerry, Mulaney has a roommate. Her name is Jane (fellow SNL alum Nasim Pedrad), and she introduces herself to us in the pilot by screeching, "I AM NOT CRAZY!" Oh, boy. She is the borderline-psycho, angry, totally unlikable Elaine. Seaton Smith, whose limited TV credits include one of my favorite shows, Homicide Hunter: Lt. Joe Kenda, is Mulaney's best buddy, a preening fellow comedian named Motif.

Smith is African American and, unlike Seinfield, it's nice to see people of color acknowledged on this show as living in a major metropolitan city. (In one episode Motif reveals he has never seen an episode of Friends, which, if you think about it, makes perfect sense.) He has the height, build and fright-wig hairstyle to represent the caramel Kramer; I don't know if Motif is intended to be a second-rate standup, but you'll wish he was as funny as he thinks he is. And the first time he bugged out his eyes to make a point, like a big-boy Buckwheat, he lost me for the foreseeable future.

Most interesting, however, is the Mulaney body double for George Costanza. Andre (Zack Pearlman) is a round, red-headed, bushy-bearded drug dealer whose every arrival at the apartment door is met with disdain by all inside, particularly Jane. He's even more socially awkward and enraged than George, who wasn't always welcomed with open arms, either. Maybe if he had come bearing drugs.... 

Mulaney is the bizarro-world Seinfeld (in keeping with Jerry's love of all things Superman), where every character is recognizable but disturbingly, uncomfortably strange. In this remake, the part of Newman will be played by Elliott Gould – yes, Elliott Gould – as Oscar, John's contentedly gay neighbor who pops in to offer advice and New York anecdotes. It's sad to see Gould's talent wasted like this; wonder if he was low on cash.

The cast of 'Mulaney' (Joe Viles/FOX)

Nothing is all bad, and there were a few moments in the episodes I saw that brought a chuckle to my lips. But I only remember laughing out loud once, when Motif gave a name to the aforementioned woman who dotes on comedians. As I recall, Seinfeld took a little time to truly translate his comedic style to the sitcom format, but Mulaney has miles to go: his pacing, his posture, his flat affect make his every line of dialogue sound like he's still trying to work a crowd at the club. It's even more glaring because his actual standup routine is inserted into every episode.

There's clearly a lot of money invested in this series. I'd be happy just to have the T-shirt concession from one large crowd scene involving a cancer walk, and Cannon's game-show set, for the relatively few seconds we see it, is eye-popping. They got Ice-T to do the show's opening voiceover. FOX thinks enough of its potential to schedule Mulaney at the end of the network's monstrously successful Sunday "Animation Domination" block, following Family Guy. But I suspect that Peter Griffin will make John Mulaney appear even more one-dimensional than he is by comparison – and nowhere near as funny.

I vividly remember many years ago chatting with Jerry Seinfeld at a TV convention the summer before Seinfeld was to debut on NBC. I noted that even at that time his show had broken new ground: historically, prime-time television frowned on allowing Jewish comedians to use their own names for their characters for fear of alienating sections of the country. "You're right," he agreed. "Years ago, I would have had to be 'Jerry O'Brian.'"

In that and many other ways, Seinfeld was and is a trailblazing, culture-changing, generation-defining broadcast landmark. To come behind it 16 years later with this cheap knockoff is embarrassing, if not insulting.

On the Big Glowing Box 1-10 remote, Mulaney –  2 clicks.

'GOTHAM:' It's Big, It's Bold, It's Brutal – But Is It Batman?

The cast of 'Gotham' (FOX)

Does America need another comic book superhero origin series?

No, of course not. But why should that spoil all the fun?

I had the same question in 2001, but then Smallville ran for 10 seasons chronicling the beginnings of a pre-adult Clark Kent. The Flash will dash onto The WB next month, surely telling a slightly different tale than TV's first incarnation of Barry Allen nearly a quarter-century ago. (Anybody here remember John Wesley Shipp?)

Oh, we do so adore our pulp fictional mythologies. How else to explain why, of the bazillion or more new shows being introduced this month, none has received anywhere close to the hype, attention or anticipation of Gotham, the latest retelling of the Batman saga premiering at 8 p.m. EST Monday (9.22.14) on FOX. The network is even running commercials profiling the main characters leading up the show's debut.

I guess my problem is, I'm a purist. I vividly remember the Tuesdays of my youth, when my buddy Goog and I would beg one of our parents to drive us to Hostetter's News Agency in Grand Haven, Mich., so we could snatch up new issues of our favorite comics the moment they hit the racks. We'd buy a pile of 'em, too, since they were only 15 cents each (yes, I'm that old), then race home to scrutinize and savor every brightly-colored panel. Super memories.

But that's so last century. Nowadays, between graphic novels, comic cons and box office blockbusters, the genesis of our most legendary costumed heroes has been continually revised and embellished to appeal to a new generation of jaded, sophisticated fans.

Yes, every Batman devotee knows Bruce Wayne's crimefighting future was sealed as a child when his wealthy parents were murdered in front of him by an unknown assailant. But in Gotham, that fact seems to be little more than the jumping-off point to launch a multitude of other background sagas.

For example, we witness the first workdays of Det. James Gordon, the cop who will be commissioner. This satisfies our Ben McKenzie jones, since his young heroic mug has been conspicuously absent from our living rooms since the demise of Southland. Obviously McKenzie plays the role closer to Gary Oldman from 2005 than Neil Hamilton from the '60s, but believe it or not he's even stiffer and more goody-goody than he was as LAPD cop crusader Ben Sherman. From the first episode, I have serious doubts he can carry this series as a central character week after week.

Ben McKenzie and Donal Logue of 'Gotham' (FOX)

His straight-arrow, just-out-of-the-military rookie is partnered with grizzled, street-weary veteran Harvey Bullock (Donal Logue), who knows all the rules and bends most of them. They fight a violent and ruthless criminal element in Gotham City, led in the pilot by new character Fish Mooney, a bat-wielding nightclub owner played by Jada Pinkett Smith. (What? Is she slumming?) Smith told Entertainment Weekly that she drew her inspiration from Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard, but she looks more like she's channeling Diahann Carroll trying to do Eartha Kitt's Catwoman.

Mooney's right-hand man is the sniveling Oswald Cobblepot (the fascinating Robin Lord Taylor), who bristles at the nickname "Penguin" but more than fits the bill. Yes, Cobblepot is the supervillain-in-training; the Gotham game plan is to introduce one of Batman's signature enemies each season and chart his or her development into the baddies we love to hate...assuming the show lasts that long.

I mean, let's face it: Bruce Wayne (David Mazouz) is only 11 years old here, his lifelong trust relationship with Alfred (Sean Pertwee), the man who was the family servant, beginning the night his parents died. Unless Gotham lasts at least a decade or they write some weird fast-forward episode, there's no chance we'll ever see Master Wayne don the cowl and cape to become the Darknight Detective.

It's also slightly unsettling that Gotham City has no time or era. Sometimes it seems an exact replica of Bob Kane's original vision of the 1940s, then a scene occurs that could have happened last week. That usually doesn't bother me, but here the switching back and forth distracted my focus. Like I said, I'm a purist. I just don't share everyone's frothing enthusiasm for this latest variation of the Batman mythos. I expected, and wanted to like this show much more than I did. It didn't blow me away.

Gotham either will be an enormous hit or a monumental bomb. No in between. Pairing it with the creepy Sleepy Hollow, FOX is out to make Mondays the darkest night of the week. A dark night...but not the Dark Knight.

On a scale of 1-10: Gotham – 6.5

'Gang Related,' as in a Distant Relation to a Quality Crime Series

First of all, it is totally and completely unfair to compare Gang Related, the conflicted-cop crime saga arriving at 9 p.m. EST Thursday (May 22, 2014) on FOX, to The Wire, even though both series look at the street drug scene from both sides now (dealers and DEAers) and Ramon Rodriguez is in both shows. The Wire was, by acclamation and near-unanimous vote, one of the finest television series ever made, and Gang Related is...well, not.

This is FOX. It is not HBO. Is that the difference? I don't know. But when it comes to programming, it seems that if it's not animated or doesn't feature unknown kids singing, FOX has a real struggle recognizing the gold from the mold in selecting its prime time shows. (I'm still not totally over them dumping Human Target, Touch and The Chicago Code waaaay too soon.) Maybe that's a reason the network has brought back 24 to live another day: They're celebrating one of the rare occasions when they actually got it right.

RZA and Ramon Rodriguez give it their best shot. (FOX/Justin Stephens)

Even the name of this series can't escape tough comparisons. There was, you may vaguely remember, a 1997 motion picture called Gang Related that was noteworthy as the last film starring the late and hallowed rapper Tupac Shakur. But whatever brilliance Tupac displayed was dulled through being paired with Jim Belushi, and in looking back it's hard to tell which Gang Related is worse. Maybe it's a pick'em.

The requisite rapper in this version is RZA of Wu-Tang Clan, who plays the partner of Rodriguez's character, hotshot LAPD officer Ryan Lopez, in Los Angeles' elite, multi-agency Gang Task Force (GTF). But he implored producers to change his character, Cassius Green, from an LA native to a transplanted New Yorker to stay truer to his own roots. While he has one memorable moment shaking down a prospective suspect (literally), either RZA didn't want to act that hard or plans to claim plausible deniability when it all goes south.

Ryan was taken in as a 10-year-old orphan by one of his neighborhood's most feared and respected figures, Los Angelicos gang kingpin Javier Acosta (Cliff Curtis). Acosta trains his foundling in the ways of street life, encourages him to enter the military, then asks him to enroll in the Police Academy. No dummy he, Acosta raised his own personal mole to infiltrate the LAPD and keep him apprised of all its major cocaine raids and gang intel.

Not even Terry O'Quinn can save this. (Sam Jaffe/FOX)

And Ryan does his job very well – so well that he becomes the golden child of his other father figure, GTF leader Sam Chapel (Terry O'Quinn), who's estranged from his actual child Jessica (Shantel VanSanten), the assistant district attorney. Ryan didn't figure on falling in love with his job and his Task Force partners. So which band of brothers really has his heart and allegiance: la familia, or his thin-blue-line family?

Yes, of course you've seen this storyline before, and done better, but likely not with such heavily Hispanic overtones. In fact, on its plus side, Gang Related may be the brownest drama in prime-time history, reflecting our new American reality. The roll call of actors is filled with such surnames as Rodriguez, Hernandez, Gallegos, Rivera, Moncada, Cruz and Gomez. As gang boss Acosta (played by Curtis, a New Zealand native) menacingly reminds a torture victim, "amigo, brown is the new black."

That on-screen demographic includes Ryan's two half-brothers: Carlos Acosta (Rey Gallegos), a vicious, bloodhappy psychopath, and Daniel (Jay Hernandez), Ryan's best friend since childhood, now a lawyer determined to help la familia go straight. I really liked Curtis's work as the gang godfather, strong, stoic and equal measures compassionate and cutthroat, and O'Quinn has been the Good Acting Seal of Approval for any role he embodies since long before Lost. But O'Quinn doesn't get enough to do here, and the considerable talents of both men are so engulfed by clichéd and predictable dialogue that neither can save this series.

Can viewers root for a central character who's a crooked cop? Especially one who, while otherwise handsome, looks like he got his face caught in a Cuisinart by the second episode? (That's Mistake No. 1.) Can they get past the death of a potentially likeable and charismatic character before Thursday's pilot hour is half over? (I don't think that requires a spoiler alert if I don't tell you who it is; and by the way, that's Mistake No. 2, of many.)

The action scenes are well choreographed but perfunctory, the blood-and-guts scenes grisly but expected (although you will see a stun gun used in an exciting new way). I don't believe anything related to Gang Related will allow the show to last through all 12 of its ordered episodes.

The cast of 'Gang Related.' (FOX/Justin Stephens)

There's a lot on the line here, a lot of quality behind the scenes. The great Brian Grazer is one of the executive producers, and Chris Morgan, the man behind Fast & Furious 6, is the series creator. (You know, I never put any stock in promos that boast, "From the man/team that gave you the blockbuster hit Such-and-Such:" anybody can lay a bomb now and then.) But sadly, all the talent doesn't translate to the screen.

And as history has shown us, FOX has a quicker axe than Lizzie Borden.

On the Big Glowing Box 1-10 channel selector, Gang Related – 4 clicks.

The Day Is Ticking Away (Again): '24' Returns – But Why?

Kiefer Sutherland just can't keep his hands off his piece. (Daniel Smith/FOX)

#JackIsBack. Back again.

Jack is back. Tell your friends.

Jack is back, Jack is back, Jack is back, Jack is back. Jack is back.

But can anybody tell us why?

It's generally conceded as television truth that you can't go home in prime time again, at least not as the same character in a resurrection of the same series. Ask almost any successful series actor and he or she will say they're proud to have had the experience, appreciative of what the show did for them and eager to "move on with the next phase of my career." Thank you and good night.

So it would seem like everybody involved with trying to make 24: Live Another Day is taking a bigtime chance of getting their feelings or reputations hurt.

The hugely promoted 12-hour "event series" (it's really Live Another Half Day), which premieres with a two-episode block from 8-10 p.m. EST Monday (May 5, 2014) on FOX, finds America's favorite rogue counterterrorism agent, Jack Bauer, resurfacing in East London, his first appearance since he – and 24 – went off the grid in 2010 after eight seasons.

Kiefer Sutherland, who despite a long and impressive acting resumé may forever be best remembered as the brooding, battered Bauer, surely had no reason to do FOX any favors: his fascinating followup series, Touch, was axed by the network after only one season renewal.

Perhaps FOX wants to relive those giddy days of yesteryear, when the midseason returns of 24 and American Idol would catapult its ratings to the top regardless of how lackluster its new slate of programs had performed. There had been some brief talk of 24 returning as a big-screen feature, but that would have been a stylistic impossibility: the multiple screen images, the "real time" story progression and that ching-chinging clock, all 24 trademarks, couldn't have the same impact as a movie – unless audiences were willing to sit through a 24-hour film.

PLEASE! I'm begging! Tell me why you brought '24' back!

Was there some massive email and letter-writing campaign, or picketers descending on FOX's broadcast bunker, demanding the return of 24 for one last hurrah? Did I miss this? Otherwise, what's the fuss?

In keeping with the show's "real time" commitment, Bauer has been in the shadows for all four years the show has been off the air. His reappearance just happens to coincide with a visit to London by U.S. President James Heller (William Devane), formerly the Secretary of Defense (the TV nation's first black president, Dennis Haysbert, is out), who's in town for a controversial summit meeting. Heller's unscrupulous chief of staff, Mark Boudreau (Tate Donovan), summarizes the backstory and the plotline in one sentence:

"Jack Bauer is a traitor and a psychopath who killed two Russian diplomats and came close to assassinating their president," Boudreau spews. "And now, after all these years, he surfaces in London at the same time as President Heller?" Jack is so misunderstood. Is he here to kill Heller, or rescue him? Either way, he obviously isn't in Merrie Ole England to sample the bangers and mash. (And if that "assassinate the president" plotline sounds familiar, it is: Jack once saved Haysbert's hash, too.)

Boudreau's wrath also may be due in part to the fact that in the intervening years he married (wait for it)...Audrey (Kim Raver), Jack's former crush, who was last seen in a coma that appeared to be life threatening. Wait a minute: you don't suppose that's going to figure into the storyline, do you?

For me, the major takeaway from this new day of 24 is that so many of the principal characters seem so – oh, what's the word I'm looking for?

Old.

Even Benjamin Bratt, once the baby-faced heartthrob of Law & Order and the most familiar new face in the cast, has fallen victim to the sands of time. As the headstrong chief of the CIA's London office, Bratt is beginning to take on the facial characteristics of Pacino. That might have been a good thing 30 years ago, but now...

The cast of FOX's "24" Live Another Day" (Greg Williams/FOX)

My wife maintains a heavy crush on Devane, who seems to age with every succeeding closeup. She also says she thinks I'm adorable. Makes you think. Mary Lynn Rajskub, as Jack's loopy but loyal office buddy Chloe O'Brian, looks like she should be opening for Marilyn Manson. And Sutherland, although he does engage in a few very quick, butt-beating, bone-cracking fight scenes early on, doesn't say a single word until 30:43 into the first hour!

Nice work if you can get it. Maybe he was conserving his strength.

24, you may remember, premiered in the fall of 2001, directly in the aftermath of one of the most horrific moments in American history. In fact, its debut was delayed several weeks in an attempt to distance it from 9/11. But to everyone's surprise, rather than damage the show's popularity, the events of the time helped propel the character of Jack Bauer to genuine hero status, protector of our liberty and security, a 21st century Captain America.

We still need a hero, but Jack Bauer's time may have run its course. (Tick...tock...tick...tock...) The pulse of this pulse-pounding action saga doesn't pound as rapidly as it once did. Jack's return may be an enjoyable welcome back for diehard 24 fans, but it's an uncomfortable anachronism for the rest of us. There's no good reason for this 24 to Live Another (Half) Day.

My 1-10 ranking: SIX (6) clicks

'Surviving Jack' Should Survive FOX's Sitcom Cauldron

And you thought Elliot Stabler was tough on his kids!

First and most wonderful, it's great to see Christopher Meloni back on prime time again, as he'll be with the premiere of the half-hour comedy Surviving Jack at 9:30 EST Thursday (March 27) on FOX. And not in some weird arc as a 500-year-old vampire on True Blood, either.

Even his son's friends snap to Jack's orders. (FOX photo)

Between Oz and, of course, Law & Order: SVU, it's almost hard to remember a time when Meloni wasn't coming into our living rooms with new calamities every week. And though sometimes it feels like every station in the channel guide carries reruns of his 12 seasons as alpha-male, sex-crimes Detective Stabler on SVU, somehow it's not the same. Prime time just seems right when Chris Meloni is part of it.

The big question, naturally, is, how long will he remain part of it? FOX is notoriously tough on its non-"Animation Domination" sitcoms, although the network's comedies that revolve around wildly unconventional notions of parenting (Raising Hope, Dads) appear to have a slightly better chance of survival. Surviving Jack fits neatly into that pocket, although it is based on the Justin Halpern autobiography I Suck at Girls; given the dismal audience response to his first book-to-sitcom conversion, $#*! My Dad Says on CBS, Halpern's track record is in need of improving.

Meloni should help accomplish that task in the role of Jack Dunlevy, a blunt, no-BS oncologist who clearly missed the class on Bedside Manner in med school. He has poured himself into his practice for years, getting home just in time to yell at his kids, kiss the missus and go to bed. But when his wife, Joanne (Rachael Harris, Suits), makes the big decision to enter law school, Jack agrees to cut back on his hours and assume the primary parent role. No problem: he'll just run the house like an ex-military man – which, indeed, he is.

Be afraid, kids. Be very afraid.

Surviving Jack uses the storytelling platform of an off-camera narrator reflecting on his weird coming-of-age years, a device that's been used since before The Wonder Years and seems to be coming around again in series like The Goldbergs and the new Growing Up Fisher (which, ironically, stars Meloni's Oz and SVU co-star, Detroit native J.K. Simmons). Jack is set in 1991, which I think means young Hollywood has reached the age where the early '90s counts as nostalgia.

I didn't care much for Harris, who seemed to be plucked from the Rent-a-TV-Wife pile and added little to the proceedings. And daughter Rachel (Claudia Lee) just didn't have much to do in the two episodes I watched, maybe because Halpern is writing the story through his eyes. (In an aside perhaps only I find interesting, it seems strange they would hire an actress named Rachael and not change the name of the daughter in the cast. Must have made for some very confusing first rehearsals.)

However, I instantly liked Connor Buckley, Deception), in the role of Jack's son, Frankie. He provides a splendid target for his father's insensitive barbs, combining just the right mix of teenage insecurity and mounting testosterone. He's becoming a man while Jack is learning to become a dad, and the road to maturity for both is not without some major potholes.

TV is nothing if not a copycat medium, and when you have so many growing-pains sitcoms emerging at the same time the difference is going to be the actor in the big chair. Meloni has the chops and the aura to make Jack crackle. Let's face it: after a dozen years of watching him as Stabler it's going to be difficult to separate him from that role in our minds, and at times it feels like Jack's talking to Frankie like Elliot is interrogating a perp. But that could work to the show's benefit. We like the familiar, and Meloni – who's also making his mark on the big screen in films like last year's Man of Steel and 42 and the upcoming Sin City: A Dame to Kill For – is nothing if not a comfortable presence.

The show's got a cushy opening-night spot behind American Idol, which, despite plummeting ratings, remains the network's best location for audience sampling and indicates FOX's faith in the series. I'm going to step out on faith of its potential and give Surviving Jack 7 out of 10 clicks. And if you're a Chris Meloni fan (as I am), I invite you to read "What's Alan Watching?"TV critic Alan Sepinwall's fine interview with the actor that appeared online this week.